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Choosing friends for your dog
Oftentimes, if you have a dog-sociable dog then your dog may be encountering and choose to play with others out on walks.
And the word “choose” here is so important!
If your dog is minding their own business and comes across another dog, they say hello, like what they smell and feel about the other dog and engage in mutual play this is a wonderful thing! Mutual play for both sides is crucial in a great social experience.
But for some dogs they might not actually want to play with that dog, they may not even be interested in saying hello to that dog. But sometimes as humans we can feel embarrassed if our dog snubs the advances of another dog. It’s as if it’s some kind of slight on that dog, and by extension maybe even their person, we may even feel partly to blame for this rejection!
That’s when people can start to pull their dog towards the other dog or otherwise try to force interaction.
But unfortunately this is likely to have the opposite effect and put your dog off even more from wanting to be near this dog. Sometimes we can’t understand where this disinterest comes from, the other dog may be lovely!
Who does your dog love being with?
Think about your dog’s interaction and play styles. Think about when they have really shown an interest and initiated contact or play with another dog. Are there certain types of dogs, or certain characteristics that they most gel with?
For example, many dogs like interacting with dogs within their own breed type, maybe even wider breed group, because they are more likely to have the same sorts of play styles.
If you have a dog who is very particular about their personal space, they may not gel so well to very physical players. Some dogs are very sensitive and pick up on subtle signs and others are bulldosers.
Does your dog like to hang out with other dogs but just potter and sniff together rather than race around playfully? Or maybe they like snuggling up with another dog but otherwise get overwhelmed with constant contact seeking from another dog.
Different dogs are going to have different levels of tolerance for another dogs “neediness”.
Max and Ernie are like chalk and cheese
We had already had Max for many years before bringing home Ernie.
Max is a German Shepherd x (Belgian Shepherd and Samoyed if you’re wondering!). Before he came to me he lived with another GSD. He then came to live with me and another GSD (Saracen) and George (Rottweiler).
Even very early on him and Saracen played well together, whilst George was a bit of a third wheel. It felt awkward. Max would run, George would chase but then cut him off or barge him from the side and the annoyance was palpable!
Max liked chasing games, George liked to wrestle and body slam. Not a herding dog’s dream playmate.
Years later Max became an only dog – much to his relief – when I then brought home Ernie as a foster dog.
Here we are 6 years later at the writing of this blog!
But it was a similar thing. Ernie is a typical Staffy and likes physical contact, whether that be curling up on someone to sleep, or as a playmate. He wants to be close.
When Ernie tried to lie with Max he was horrified. Absolutely not!
Luckily Max is very tolerant of Ernie’s naturally physical and seemingly thoughtless conduct! Otherwise we could have had serious problems.
They’ve both had to make compromises, but if I’m honest Max would probably prefer to be an only dog, and Ernie would love a snuggle buddy and body barging play mate.
Unfair and unsafe mixes
I wouldn’t necessarily put Max and Ernie together if circumstances were different.
We’ve been able to work around their needs and manage them. But some dogs are just not going to want to compromise. One dog’s need for play doesn’t trump the other dog’s need for space. Just because there aren’t overt fights doesn’t mean that it’s fair to have two very mis-matched dogs together if it is severely impacting their quality of life.
Just with any relationship, sometimes it just doesn’t work out – not because either party is a bad dog (or person!) they are just too different to live happily together.
And some pairings may be unsafe to have together. Maybe because their personality clashes lead to aggressive outbursts that could cause physical or emotional lack of safety.
Maybe your dog is really dog reactive and the dog you’re thinking of bringing in is anxious around dogs already, or is a puppy, and your dog’s behaviour is going to have a big impact on the present and future behaviour of that dog.
Perhaps because you have one dog with a really high prey drive and another who is makes sudden noises or movements that could trigger a predatory response.
But also potentially inadvertently. If you have one large, playful, clumsy dog and a small, delicate dog, then this might not be safe. Not because there is any maliciousness, but simply through the smaller dog being stood on, jumped on, mouthed too hard.
Be honest about your dog’s needs
When looking for a playmate or housemate for your dog, be really honest with yourself and others about your dogs needs and preferences.
There is nothing wrong with your dog for not liking certain types of dogs. You can and should respect their preferences; advocate for them with other dogs on walks, or friends/family dogs.
It can be really tempting to get a dog based on their looks. And sometimes what you’d like in a companion might differ from what your resident dog might like in a companion.
That is really tricky! But you are making choices that your dog has no input in. Your first responsibility is to your current dog. Think about what you’d do if you brought a new dog home and they didn’t gel. They need different types of walks, different types of play, you have to partition your house off to give them space from each other. How would that honestly fit with your life?
Now, all dogs are individuals. Having two border collies doesn’t mean they will automatically get along.
Having one male and one female doesn’t automatically mean they’ll get along.
It’s all about each dogs’ needs and temperament and interaction style which is going to be shaped by their genetics, but also their learning experiences.
We all have to make compromises with our dog and human relationships! So be prepared for that. But you can increase the likelihood of a peaceful household by really paying attention to interaction styles.
And if you have a pair of dogs who need to learn about compromise then get in touch and let’s see how we can make their lives together go more smoothly!
©️Written by Naomi Andrews